Losing You All Over Again
by talentedgemx
Summary: Leading up to Sian's exit from the show. current, but with my take on things and maybe it'll end differnetly to where the show takes it. full of angst and drama, and some romance and more than likely some heated scenes, at some point :   for libby.
1. Chapter 1

Sian stirred and attempted to open her eyes. The room was bright, so she concluded correctly that is was a beautiful morning outside. Her forehead crinkled as she brought the back of her hand to her brow, and rolling slightly onto her back she rubbed at her eyes. She stretched her legs and pushed her hands into the headboard over her, trying to get rid of that drowsy sleepy feeling that she always felt nowadays, and not just in the mornings. Her early nights weren't helping either, she just always felt knackered. She heard a sleepy groan come from the back of her throat and she forced her eyes open, the contents of Sophie's room quickly pushing their way into her brain.

Sian sighed and slowly flicked her eyes around the room. Their room. Or Sophie's room, as it was starting to feel like again. More and more so these days she was feeling like an outsider, like this wasn't her room, her house, like she wasn't a part of this family. Like Sophie hadn't pouted and caused a fuss when she had announced she was moving back in with her mom, and like Sophie's face hadn't lit up like ten Christmas tree's when she had told her in that hospital room that she would move back in. For her. Only for her, if that was what she wanted. And she had wanted it. Then.

Not that Sian could much tell now.

Sian moved her head to the side and the rest of her body followed, and she stared vacantly at the empty space beside her. Sophie was up. Sophie was always up, nowadays. Sian rested the side of her head on her hands and she brought her knees up to her chest and she sighed despondently. She wasn't sure when things had changed, couldn't pinpoint it exactly, but all the same they had. Sophie used to snake her arms around her waist every morning, would feather light kisses down her neck to wake her up. Sometimes she would run her fingers up underneath her pyjama top and gently tease her, before moving them beneath her pyjama bottoms to wake her up in the best way ever. But she had stopped that, and Sian missed it. A lot. The slight smile that played on her lips at the memory disappeared and she reached a hand out and ran it across the mattress where Soph would always usually be lying, and the bed felt cold.

She must've been up for ages.

Sian bit on her lip momentarily and told herself to stop feeling, whatever it was she was feeling. Couples went through patches like this, didn't they? Maybe she should just ask Sophie about it and be done with it, and her mind lingered over that for a few seconds as she pondered it. She panicked a little as she saw the conversation in her head. What if Sophie said something _was_ wrong? What would happen then? Sian swallowed abruptly and quickly sat up in bed. She saw everything around her suddenly slip away from her, this was her life now. Sophie was her life. What the hell would she do?

She couldn't let it happen.

Sian jumped from the bed and grabbed Sophie's bathrobe, the white one with the different coloured stars on it and she caught herself in the mirror as she turned around. She tilted her head a little, Sian had always loved the way Sophie looked in that robe, and she remembered back to an occasion when Sophie had straddled her on the sofa in it, because Sophie knew exactly the effect she had on her, naked under that robe.

Sian again caught herself smiling at the memory, before she realised just how long ago it was and how long it had been since Sophie had looked at her like that. She couldn't even remember. Sian put her hands in Sophie's pockets and stared at herself, and suddenly she felt tired. Her chest even felt a little bit empty and she wondered how she was going to sort all this out. If she could even bring it up to Sophie. She felt her heart quicken its pace at the mere thought of it.

Sophie loved her still, didn't she?

Course she did. Sian was sure of it. She walked to the bedroom door and opened it, and headed downstairs.

Sophie was pottering about the kitchen putting dishes away and generally tidying up since everyone else had been up, had breakfast and left for work. She was trying not to bang the cupboard doors too loudly, as she didn't want to wake Sian up before she left for work too. She had looked well tired lately, and was getting a fair few early nights, so Soph reckoned she needed the rest. Plus she didn't want to get Sian anymore mad with her than she already was. That whole thing with the £20k was still hovering right over her and she knew Sian disapproved of her actions. Soph stopped for a minute as she put her mums mug back in the cupboard and closed the door. It was a pretty stupid thing to do, taking the money, but she had been determined what she was doing was a good thing, so she had gone right ahead and done it. Regardless of the consequences. And it turned out the consequences were pretty bad. And Sian seemed to have that exasperated 'how could you have been so stupid' look on her face every time she looked at her, just recently. Whether she meant to or not. Sophie knew she had been stupid, but she didn't need her girlfriend to remind her of that every second, did she? Her dad reminded her often enough. He couldn't even look at her at the moment, and it seemed Sian was echoing everyone's disappointment in her too.

Sophie shook her head, she didn't need to think about it. She didn't like thinking about it, it just reminded her of the mess she had made, of everything. She just hoped everything would blow over and things could get back to normal. She had no idea when that would be, she just prayed that the day would come. The sooner the better.

Sophie spun around and saw that Sian was leaning against the sofa, looking at her with her arms crossed tightly over her chest. Sophie noticed how she was wearing her bathrobe and her first thought was how hot she looked, but then she noticed something in those blue eyes. It made Sophie pause and there was an awkward silence between them. Normally Sian looked pissed off with her or as if she was about to have a go or something, but right then she looked different. Like she was upset, her eyes glistened and Sophie took half a step towards her before she stopped herself. Somehow Sophie didn't know how to act or how to be or even what to say. She didn't know how to deal with what was happening between them, it was as if Sian didn't want all that cuteness and cuddles anymore and suddenly there was just, this. Sophie stepped back to the units and broke eye contact.

"You're up early", Sian said, her voice soft. The emotion was evident though, loud and clear.

Sophie swallowed and her eyes searched the kitchen. "Yeah well I thought I'd make dad breakfast" she started, putting on a fake smile and trying to seem relaxed, "try and win some points, ya know?"

Sian didn't smile back. "Oh right, did it work?"

Sophie raised her eyebrows and went over to the sink, "not really".

Sian was left looking at Sophie's back and she wondered what the hell she was supposed to say. Sophie never started important conversations, and would generally try to avoid that sort of thing altogether. Sian considered whether Sophie would stick around for a conversation about them.. Or whether she would run from that, too. She still didn't know if she could bring it up.

"How come you got dressed?" Sian asked, considering how she thought they would have a day in together today. Maybe a lazy day, cuddling on the sofa and getting Chinese takeout. They hadn't done that in ages.

There was a pause, and Sophie half turned her head to look at the floor between them. "What?" she asked.

The tension in Sian's chest was getting worse and worse by the second, like Sophie could see she was upset yet she was choosing to ignore it. Sian felt like she couldn't keep any air in her chest as it insisted on escaping shakily from her, every time she took in a breath. She kept her arms glued to her chest and tried not to speak with the annoyance she felt. "I asked, why you got dressed". And for a second she felt pathetic, like how her question was probably the most unimportant she could've asked right then, and she had asked it twice.

Sophie sighed, loudly. "I've got work at ten".

"Work?" It was out before Sian could stop it, and this time the annoyance was evident in her tone. "I thought you had the day off?"

Sophie felt how much she wasn't helping things and how that was probably the worst thing she could've said just then. But then, nothing Sophie did at the moment got her in Sian's good books. At least that was how it felt. She put her right hand on the edge of the unit and gripped it and she knew this conversation wasn't going to end well. "I did, but Dev asked me last night and it's not like I could say no-"

"-Why couldn't you say no?" She was pissed off now. And she didn't care if she showed it.

Sophie thought that was a stupid thing for Sian to say. "I owe my dad twenty grand Sian! It's not like I can go turning down shifts is it!" She spun where she stood just about sick of her girlfriend questioning and judging her all the time, but her temper soon came to an abrupt halt when her eyes met those sky blues, again. Sian looked more than upset, like in that moment she was lost, totally and utterly lost and waiting for Sophie to find her. Something jabbed at Sophie's heart and she was lost for words, everything she was about to lash out at her with dropped from her and she just stood there, pretty much adrift herself. She ached, right then, as she knew she was the one doing the upsetting, but Sian had upset her too. Plenty. She didn't know what to say, how to say what she was feeling and she almost felt like she didn't have the inclination. Like it was too hard, and would just take way too long. Plus she was going to be late for work. "I know you think this is all my fault, like I got myself into this mess so I deserve it..." she trailed off, her eyes falling again to the floor.

"Soph I've never said that-"

"-But I know you think it, like you was right and I was wrong".

Sian was getting infuriated, how could Sophie even think that? She had never told her that, even if it was the truth. "You don't know what I think!"

"I used to..." Sophie scoffed, under her breath. She was certain she used to know everything that went through her girlfriends head. Not anymore, though.

"What?" Sian furrowed her brow. That pain in her chest getting replaced by frustration. She hadn't intended to start an argument. Why did it always seem to get to that, these days?

Sophie pushed herself away from the unit. "Nothing, I'm going to be late for work". And she strode past her girlfriend without even looking at her.

Sian's heart dropped and she was sure she heard it thud against her chest. She couldn't let her go. Not like this. This is not how she wanted them to be. She heard Sophie grab the porch door handle with force and open it slightly. "When did it get so hard, Soph?"

Sophie had her hand on the door handle and she stopped, half of her wanting to carry on out the door and the other half wanting to stay, sort it out and kiss the life out of her girlfriend. Her beautiful girlfriend. Her cute, smart, sweet, adorable girlfriend. Sophie's eyes focused on her hand as she watched it push the door closed. She turned and looked at Sian.

Sometimes, or rather most of the time, Sian could be firey. Like in the past when they had had arguments, for instance when Sophie had stolen that money and it had all boiled down to them both standing outside of her front door. James had walked away and gone back to Deirdre's birthday party and Sophie had realised, perhaps for the first time that the money had really gone. Like proper gone, and Sian had been trailing around after her all day, watching as Sophie tried to piece together what had happened and was seemingly getting more and more annoyed with every twist the story took. Sian had been furious with her that day, or disapproving or whatever, and she seemed as if all she wanted to do was give Sophie a proper piece of her mind but then, and quite all of a sudden it was as if her brick wall had crumbled and she enveloped Sophie in a massive hug and let her weep at her own naive idiocrasy. And then afterwards, when Sophie couldn't face up to her parents Sian had taken over and explained what had happened, and even tried to defend her or at least defend her intentions, even though she hadn't agreed with them in the slightest. That's how Sian could be, like the best girlfriend ever.

Right then Sophie was certain Sian was going to rip into her, shout at her, demand to have it out but instead there was no anger, no frustration, no disappointment or anything like that. Right then Sian looked distraught, like she would fall to pieces. The tears were building up in her eyes and she just stood there, waiting for Sophie to answer.

"It's not hard" Sophie whispered as she looked away, not even believing it herself.

Sian tried to sniff back what she feeling, she tried to hold it all in but it really wasn't working. She looked at Soph who just looked awkward, like she wanted to be anywhere but there, and it pretty much broke Sian's heart. "You still love me though, don't you?"

Sophie brought her head up and looked straight into Sian's eyes. That plea was awful and Soph immediately felt wretched, through and through. How could she even think that she didn't? Things weren't like that were they? Sophie started tingling all over and she took a step towards Sian. "Of course I do", her tone was low and her eyes started filling up, too. She bit on her bottom lip. "Babe, of course I love you".

Sophie's eyes were the most sincere Sian had seen them in a long time, but it didn't stop the niggling feeling that they were falling apart. Sian wanted to believe her, but she needed to feel it, and she didn't know how Sophie was going to make that happen.

Sophie came closer and linked her fingers with Sian's, her chest was feeling heavy and all of a sudden the prospect of them being broken was unacceptable to her, she needed to fix it. She couldn't have her girl feeling this way, she had to get them back. She wasn't sure how she would, but she knew she would do everything she could to sort it. "You believe me, don't you? Sian I love you more than anything".

"Then why are we like this?" Her breath was hitched and her voice still strained. She felt helpless, but at least Soph wasn't running from her.

Sophie stepped closer still so that their bodies were touching. She looked as deeply into Sian's eyes as she could and she pushed their foreheads together. "I don't know" she answered, the lump in her throat making her words feel choked. It was the truth, she really didn't know when things had become so bad between them, but she was going to change it. Sian just meant too much to her. "But it'll be different" she whispered, as she pushed her lips to Sian's forehead, "I promise".

Sian was looking down as she felt Sophie's lips against her skin, she saw how their bodies were touching and for the first time in a while she felt the warmth radiate from her serving to warm her up. She wanted to feel more. She felt Sophie pull away from her a little.

"Do you love me?"

Sian looked into her eyes and she saw as Sophie seemed to search her, tried to look into her for an answer. Sian reached up and cupped her cheek, as Sophie's fingers pushed into the bathrobes material all the way through to her skin. It felt like Soph was holding onto her, and it felt good. "I love every part of you, it just feels like you're pulling away from me-"

"-I'm not, I promise you I'm not". Sophie wrapped her arms around her and just couldn't take the words anymore. She pushed her lips to Sian's and kissed her hungrily, as if she had to prove everything there in that moment.

Sian let her, she let Sophie dominate the kiss as she held onto her shoulders trying to get as much out of the contact as possible. She loved the feel of Sophie's body against hers and it was as if she was making up for lost time. Her chest filled with warmth and it quickly spread throughout her, ridding herself of the emptiness she had been feeling. She felt Sophie clawing at her waist and just knew she wanted her back just as much. She wished more than anything that Soph didn't have work, she wished they could go to bed and stay there, making up over and over. She wondered if Sophie felt the same.

Sophie felt her heart beat wildly in her chest, Sian was stirring up emotions she hadn't experienced for a while and she suddenly remembered how good they were, and how much she craved it. Craved her. Her body flooded with desire and her mind was clouded with what Sian had said to her. Had they really become so distant? And if so what had been the cause? Such thoughts however were rapidly retreating from her as her emotions were taking over, she was getting lost in the sensations of Sian's tongue in her mouth and her fingers, those slender fingers running up her neck and into her hair and then down her back, over and over again. It was making her shiver. She wished she hadn't agreed to that shift last night. She wished she hadn't of felt awkward at the prospect of a day spent entirely with her girlfriend, jumping at the opportunity of a shift as soon as Dev had asked. She wished they had had this conversation yesterday, or the day before, so today they would be making up in bed. But she had to go to work, she couldn't let Dev down at such short notice, she was already certain she was going to be late.

Sophie reluctantly pulled away from the kiss and brought her hands up to cup either side of Sian's face. "I have to go" she said breathlessly, her eyes closed and her heart fluttering with what had been conjured up inside of her.

Sian didn't say anything, she just slowly opened her eyes and pulled her lips into a slight smile, her hands running over Sophie's shoulders and down to her forearms. "Okay" she whispered, finally.

Sophie's eyes were open and she licked her lips. "I'll get away early, Amber will cover for me".

Sian raised an eyebrow, "She will?"

Sophie took a step back, "Yeah, she's a mate like that".

"Oh". Sian watched as Sophie approached the door, her brow furrowed. "Why couldn't Amber do the whole shift?"

Sophie just shrugged as she opened the door, "I dunno, maybe she's doing something".

"Oh". Sian's eyes wandered off as she thought about it. She wasn't really too sure what to think. She just didn't want Sophie to go.

"Babe I'll be back, soon as I can, okay?" Sophie stood there looking at her and wanted her to believe that she was doing what she could to make this better.

Sian smiled weakly, her left arm across her chest and her right hand gripping at her neck. "Okay", she echoed.

Sophie smiled at her, and walked out the door.

Outside Sophie took a deep breath and tried to calm herself down. Her heart was thudding like crazy in her chest and her mind was buzzing. Her hands came up to the sides of her head and she rubbed her temples. What was she doing? How long had Sian felt like she hadn't loved her? When had she stopped telling her? She had no idea. She knew she loved her, but she knew things had changed, like they were snapping at each other more often than they weren't and the whole money thing had proper got Sian mad at her. Sophie knew she shouldn't have taken it, but she did it for the right reasons and she would always think that. For some reason Sian didn't seem to understand that and Sophie guessed for a while that was a massive wedge between them. Maybe it still was.

She sighed heavily and put her hands on her hips, poking her tongue out as she thought about things. Could this be fixed? She looked across the street and remembered she was probably late for work. She was going to have to ring Amber if she wasn't already in the shop and get her to cover for her. Maybe she would have some advice for what was happening, Sophie certainly needed a friend right then. She pulled her phone from her pocket and saw that it was five past ten. She was late.


	2. Chapter 2

Sophie drummed her fingers into the counter top, exasperation flowing from her with every passing second. It felt like her feet were itching, her legs were tingling, and her chest almost felt hollow with the anxiousness she felt. She couldn't believe it had come to this. She sighed and looked at the clock. It was half past twelve. She was sure it had been the longest two hours of her life, and to make it worse she had only served three people since she had started her shift. Eileen with biscuits for work, milk for Emily to accompany the story of what had happened at morning service earlier on, and then bread and two tins of soup for Tommy who felt the need to slag off Amber and make a comment about Sian's legs. How she didn't throw the soup at his head she didn't know, but he soon left when she told him to 'get the hell out' and to never 'set his beady little eyes' on her girlfriend again. That had been half an hour ago and she had stood with a bitter expression on her face ever since.

Her mind kept going back to Sian every three seconds, to everything she had said that morning and to everything Sophie clearly had or hadn't done since, well, she had no idea when. But she knew something was missing, Sian was right, things weren't the same. They hadn't been for a while, but was that all her fault? Wasn't some of it Sian too? Sophie pushed her chest out and sighed, her elbows meeting on the counter, her one hand cupped around her other fist and she rested her lips against them, memories of her relationship flooding her thoughts, everything they had been through, everything they had experienced together. They had been through so much and they were both still so young. Sophie thought about it, was this the relationship she truly wanted? Was this all there was? Would she ever want anyone else? Was Sian forever?

She used to think so.

Sophie straightened herself up and took a step back away from the counter. That thought scared her. She still thought so, of course she did. Sian was her everything. Sophie folded her one arm across her waist as she brought her other hand up to her face, biting on her thumb as she held her clenched fist there. She felt tears form in her eyes, she didn't want to let her go, did she?

No, of course not.

She reached into her pocket desperately for her phone and checked it, no message from Sian. Sophie took another quick look at the clock and hoped Sian had believed her when she said she'd be home early. She had to be, and she was going to be. She quickly typed a message to Amber.

'You're still coming aren't you? When are you getting here?'

She pushed send and went back to biting on her thumb, feeling extremely agitated and just wanting to get back to Sian. She had to prove it to her. Sian was her girlfriend and she loved her. She would prove it to her, she would.

She grabbed for her phone again and quickly typed another message to Sian, just in case she was sat at home thinking the worst. Sophie didn't think it would take much at the moment, for Sian to assume the worst of her, like she wasn't bothered or something. And she was bothered, very bothered. She had wanted to stay there this morning, take Sian back to bed and prove how much she wanted her. Sophie got a little flustered thinking about it, she had missed Sian's lips kissing her, and Sian's hands roaming over her shoulders and her fingers roaming into her hair. Sophie felt her heart flutter at the recurring sensations and she had to close her eyes for a minute, a shiver running up her neck. Sophie breathed it all out but kept her eyes closed, her tongue slowly moistening her top lip. Why had it taken that argument? Why had it taken all that for her to realise how much Sian was hurting? For her to realise how much she was hurting herself?

"All right Webster!" a voice came crashing through the doorway, "what's the emergency?"

Sophie forced her eyes open and saw Amber barge in and lean her back up against the door in the most melodramatic way. Her eyes were wide and she looked like she had only just managed to crawl out of bed. "About time!" Sophie forced back, picking up and pocketing her phone. "I've got to see Sian I owe you one."

She was about to push herself past when Amber held her hands in the air stopping her. "Hold on Soph, you live with Sian, what's going on?"

Sophie pushed out a breath and flopped her shoulders, she didn't have the time to go over it all with Amber, but she was covering for her after all so she supposed she should tell her something. Amber was staring at her intently so Soph decided to give her the short version. The five minute short version.

It was one o'clock and Soph still wasn't back. She was sat on the sofa with her legs curled up underneath her, absently twirling her long hair between her fingers as she thought about what had happened. As soon as Sophie had left she had showered and changed into her comfort clothes, a pair of joggers and a long t-shirt and a big pair of fluffy socks. They were blue. Sophie had bought her them ages ago as she always had cold feet, apart from when Sophie was warming them up in bed of course, as well as other various parts of her. Sian smiled slightly at the memory, how she longed for intimate moments like that with her girl again. After what Sophie had said she was almost certain they would get it back, Sophie had seemed really upset at what Sian had said, as if it hadn't really occurred to her that their relationship was disintergrating, but then that was Sophie for you, bury your head in the sand and pretend bad things aren't happening. Just like her dad. Always ignorant to problems that were right in front of her, that was Sophie. Stubborn wasn't the word.

Sian rested her head back on the sofa, did Sophie really still want her? Would she even try? It had been three hours. Her phone vibrated, and Sian tilted her head towards where it was resting next to her. Sian reached out and picked it up.

From Sophie: Just waiting on Amber babe, I'll be there, promise. Don't give up on me xxxxx

Sian ran her thumb over her phone's display, Sophie was being cute. She loved it when she was being cute, Sophie was amazing when she was all cute and sweet and stuff. Sian was certain she wouldn't give up on her, or it would take a whole lot more for Sian to just walk out and leave. This was just a blip, she was sure of it. Soph would come through that door at any second and they would talk some more, or finish that kiss from earlier. Sian's lips curled up in a faint grin, she had missed Sophie kissing her like that, had missed the closeness of her body and Sophie's firm hands on her. She wanted to feel her hands on her skin again. It was as if that small taste of it had made her crave Sophie more, like somehow in the time it had been since they had last been intimate she had sort of forgot how Sophie made her feel, forgot all the emotions and sensations that she could elicit and she could live without it. But now she was remembering all the times they had been intimate, all the times Sophie had touched her, where she had touched her, the things her fingers could do and especially where she would go with her tongue, and Sian definitely missed it.

Really.

Sian bit on her bottom lip and tried to breathe normally. Right now she couldn't be thinking about sex, she needed Sophie to show that she wanted this relationship. That she needed it. Needed it as much as Sian did. Sophie had promised she'd be back early, three hours ago. Sian was certain she would be; she had to be. Sian looked at her phone again and thought about replying. She opened a new message and her thumbs paused over the display. What should she put? Okay babe? Hurry back? I miss you?

She sighed and put the phone down. She did miss her, she missed every single thing about her, but then Sophie already knew that. She had already poured her heart out to her that morning, what use was a half hearted line in a text message? Sian was frustrated, she stood up and groaned out loud. This was getting her nowhere. She went into the kitchen to make a brew.

Sophie legged it across the cobbles with a look of sheer panic on her face. It was half past two and Sian hadn't text her back and she was certain she would be breaking up with her as soon as she entered the house. All kinds of things were running through her mind, like what Sian would say to her. _Let down again, I trusted you and I waited for you_. Sophie was upset, it wasn't like she hadn't tried to get out, Amber wouldn't let her go until she had heard everything, so Sophie had pretty much spilled everything that had happened that morning. And then of course Amber had to have her opinion which Sophie didn't really care about at all, and then finally she had left.

Sophie reached for her key and fumbled with it in the lock, she didn't even take a breath before she practically fell through the door and into the living, slamming the door shut behind her. "Babe I'm so, so sorry," she panted coming to a stop in the middle of the room behind the sofa. She took a look around and saw that Sian wasn't there, "Sian?" she asked, her eyes moving around the empty room. She hoped to God Sian hadn't gone, and then she told herself to stop being dramatic. "Upstairs," she said to herself before she bounded up them two at a time. She ran into their bedroom and again stopped in the middle of the room. It was empty. _Fuck_. "Sian?" she shouted again, turning around and running back down the stairs. Panic was setting in as she was getting more and more upset, she was certain she had fucked it up before she had even had chance to put it right. She got to the bottom of the stairs and the tears were apparent in her eyes, her cheeks were all flustered and her hair clung to her neck and shoulders from all the running.

"Soph?"

Sophie spun around and saw Sian stood there in front of the conservatory door. She breathed a massive sigh of relief and her shoulders visibly relaxed. "Where've you been?" she asked, her voice trembling a little.

Sian was taken aback by how worried Sophie looked, it was making her start to worry herself. She pointed behind her, "The conservatory, I was just having a brew." She held up her empty mug as evidence, "what's wrong?" Sian put the mug down on the kitchen counter and took a step towards her girlfriend, she didn't touch her, however.

Sophie looked away and tried to rid herself of the panic, she actually thought Sian had gone and it had terrified her, more than she ever thought that idea could terrify her. She looked to the side and swallowed before bringing her gaze back to Sian. "I thought you'd gone," she answered in a small voice and then looked at the floor. Her chest was still hitching from her panting and she desperately tried to calm it. She must've looked a mess.

Sian was a little confused but it soon dissipated when she heard the emotion in Sophie's voice. "Gone?" she asked, "gone where?" Her tone was soft as she tried to help calm Soph down.

Sophie was still looking at the floor and she just shrugged. "I dunno, just gone." She looked to the side again and licked her lips, her hair hanging around her face as if she was trying to hide. "Got sick of waiting for me maybe."

Sian's heart pretty much melted at the hopelessness in Sophie's voice. Maybe she did need her after all. "Babe I'm not going anywhere, you said you'd be back so I waited."

Sophie lifted her head and looked in her girlfriend's bright blue eyes, the concern there seeming to reach out and touch her. She wished Sian would touch her right then, hug her or, reach out and hold her hand or something. "I tried to be quicker but Amber took ages to come and then she wouldn't let me leave until I told her why I had to go and then Dev called and said he needed an inventory check on the frozen peas and-"

"-Soph shhhh," Sian said as she stepped forwards, grabbing both of Sophie's hands and gently squeezing her fingers, "it's okay."

"Yeah?" She couldn't quite believe that Sian wasn't disappointed that she wasn't back sooner, she honestly thought that she would be and they'd be arguing, right about now.

Sian smiled and tilted her head a little, "Course, you're here aren't you?"

Sophie straightened where she stood and shook her hair back from her face, "Yeah, but I'm still sorry."

"What for?"

"Everything." She let go of Sian's hands and took a step back, pushing her hair over her head as she did so. She felt a little more confident now, like she hadn't lost everything all in one morning. She looked into Sian's eyes and tried to see, see if she had lost her or not, if Sian was just putting up with her or if she really wanted her. "I'm sorry I pushed you away," she continued, her voice once more becoming small. She swallowed before the next bit, the idea of what she was about to say hurting her before it even crossed her lips. She shook her head. "I'm not sure when it happened, but I felt like you didn't want me, like I had disappointed you..." She looked away again, her emotions threatening to overload her again and she couldn't finish her sentence.

Sian took a step closer, she wasn't sure she liked what Sophie was saying, if she liked this honestly at all. But she had to hear it. "When did you feel like that Soph?" Her voice was quiet as her body went rigid, what exactly was Sophie trying to say? Had she really made her feel that way?

Sophie scrunched up her face as she tried to hold it in. "I don't know," she started as her voice began to crack, "I don't know. But I don't want you to go," and this time she looked into Sian's eyes and she did everything she could not to cry. She felt pathetic, like she had caused it all and now she was the one falling apart. She didn't want to be the one to mess things up, she wanted to make Sian happy, make her laugh everyday and she knew she could, if Sian would just stick by her and give her another chance. "I can't lose you Sian, I can't." And she dropped her head again, bringing her hand up to wipe away the tears.

Sian closed the gap between them and cupped either side of Sophie's face, bringing it up so she could look her in the eye. Her gorgeous blue eyes were dark with tears and she looked completely flustered, like this had been weighing on her all day. Had she been thinking that Sian would just leave? End their relationship just like that? Surely not. Sian tried to look right into her and spoke with determination. "Babe I'm not going to leave, I want us to fix this, that's why I said all that earlier."

Sophie met her eyes and felt Sian press her body into hers, leaning into her as Sophie leaned against the wall. The warmth of her body seemed to fill Sophie with a reassurance that echoed her words and she felt all of a sudden she needed to make it up to her, like she had to prove she needed her. Sophie grabbed Sian's waist, "I want to fix this," she whispered, "I need you."

Sophie crashed her lips to Sian's and immediately deepened the kiss, exploring her mouth with dominance and force as she grabbed at Sian's shoulders, pulling her body as close as she could and pushing her fingers into her back. Her mind was clouded as her body took over, it was as if she had to have her right there and then, had to prove she needed her, that she was everything Sophie would ever need. Her breaths were ragged around the kiss and she pushed her thigh between Sian's legs, moving her hands to Sian's hips and pulling them flush against her own. It was pure need that was pulsating through her and she felt it pounding in her ears as if she had to prove something to herself, too.

Sian moaned as she felt Sophie's hands on her, everywhere. She felt overwhelmed by her touch and her body flooded with heat, Sophie's leg pushing against her immediately heightening her desire. Sian wrapped her arms around Sophie's neck and forcibly held onto her as she battled back against the kiss, forcing Sophie up against the wall as she swirled their tongues together, remembering how her girlfriend tasted and automatically wanting more of it, more of her, more of Sophie, over and over again. Sian instantly felt her body take over, like it was making up for lost time and had to have everything right then. No talking, just unadulterated desire.

Sophie felt like she would hyperventilate, her chest was heaving and she had no control over it, she felt like she had to be surrounded by Sian, she needed to feel her, taste her, touch her. She opened her eyes as she felt Sian pull away, the movement was abrupt and she was momentarily lost as to what was happening.

Sian took half a step backwards and lowered her hands to Sophie's wrists, her gaze was towards Sophie's body and she had to force herself to think about what she was doing. It felt different, like a necessity rather than an emotion, if that made any sense. She lifted her eyes and peered at Sophie from beneath her lowered brow, her breaths shaky and every inch of her twitching. Or at least that's how it felt. Twitching with heat and absolute need.

Sophie looked at her confused, and then necessity took over.

Sian spun Sophie around and pushed her backwards over the arm of the sofa, looking down at her for a moment as she lay there, partly in shock but the rest of her ten times more turned on.

Sophie licked her lips as she looked at her girlfriend, inching herself across the cushions to bring her legs off the arm, forcing them against Sian's knees as she did so before she came to a stop. The contact was heavy and she tried to pull Sian to fall on top of her with her feet, but she remained standing as she looked intently into her eyes.

Sian's blue eyes were heavy with desire and she couldn't calm her chest as much as she tried to, it was useless. She pushed her blonde hair over her head and flicked it to the side, biting her top lip as she climbed over the arm and straddled Sophie, pinning her to the sofa. She put her hands either side of Sophie's head and leaned down to kiss her, immediately sliding her tongue over Sophie's and lowering her body to her chest, eliciting a deep moan from Sophie's throat as she felt the contact.

Sophie snaked her hands around Sian's waist and down her back, pushing her fingers into her lower back as she knew it was one of her sensitive spots. She felt Sian shiver under her touch and the force of her kiss intensified, earning a moan from Sian that only served to make the tingling in Sophie's body triple, and a wave of heat rippled through her making her shudder. Her eyes were clamped shut as she felt Sian begin to trail kisses along her jaw and down her neck and she tipped her head back a little to expose more skin. Her whole body was alive and she couldn't believe she had been without this for so long, it was as if her heart was beating for it and she could feel the effect Sian was having on her right the way through to her toes. It was electric, and she just had to touch her more. She ran her hands from Sian's back down to the back of her thighs, squeezing through her joggers and pulling Sian's hips closer to her, guiding her to start grinding against her.

Sian pulled her lips away slightly as she moaned, biting down on her lower lip as Sophie seemed to touch her through her joggers. The sound was guttural and her heart leapt in her chest. Her entire body was on fire and she forced her lips back to Soph's neck, sucking on her skin desperate to leave a mark, claiming her girlfriend back as her own.

Sophie seemed to cling to Sian even harder, desperate to touch her and feel her need. She trailed her one hand round the side of her thigh and moved it towards her heat.

Sian's eyes opened and she looked at the mark she had left on Sophie's neck, her breaths still coming in pants as she felt where Sophie's fingers were inching to. She sat up quickly and rested her weight on Sophie's hips, pushing her one hand to her chest to stop Sophie following her up.

Sophie's eyes shot open at the sudden movement and confusion crept over her face as she furrowed her brow, looking up at Sian as she raised herself up slightly on her elbows, Sian's hand stopping her from moving any more. She swallowed a few breaths and looked curiously at her girlfriend, sitting on top of her with flushed cheeks and puffy red lips. "What's wrong?" she asked softly, unsure of the expression that was peering down at her.

Sian let them sit there for a few minutes, waiting for her breathing to calm down and for her thoughts to become clear. She looked into Sophie's eyes and she saw how much she wanted her, like right at that moment Sian was the only person in the world and the feeling made a small smile pull on her lips. She wanted her girlfriend, of course she did, but this felt hurried and like they were both trying to prove a point. She didn't know how to convey this to Soph who just looked up at her anxiously, confusion still etched all over her face. Sian sighed and rubbed her palm against Soph's chest, she was going to have to tell her she needed to wait.

A ringing sound came from the coffee table and they both turned their attention to it, Sian's phone lighting up and vibrating in short bursts atop the glass. Sophie brought her eyes back to Sian first, still wondering what the hell was going on as her chest's rapid movement slowly began to ease. Sian turned her head and smiled at Sophie briefly before jumping off of her and grabbing the phone.

"Amber?" she asked aloud as she looked at the display, sitting on the sofa this time as Sophie moved her legs and came into a sitting position herself.

"Oh yeah," Sophie immediately answered, lowering her head to her hand as she smoothed her hair and then ruffled it up a little over her head.

Sian looked at her just before she answered the call.

"I said we'd go out with her tonight."

"Hey Amber," Sian responded as she caught the tail end of Sophie's sentence, her tone a little abrupt as she didn't really know what to make of it. "Yeah Soph's here...I dunno, ermm..." and she looked to Sophie, "where's your phone?"

Sophie settled back on the sofa and shrugged, she had no idea and in that moment didn't really care. Maybe she dropped it when Sian forced her up against the wall and shoved her tongue down her neck ? Stood a good chance. Sophie rolled her eyes and rested her chin against her fist as she leaned her elbow on the arm of the sofa.

"She doesn't know...no she didn't mention it, uhmm I guess yeah we're not busy."

Sophie glared at her and tried to get her attention but it didn't work. She supposed she had already promised they'd go out, it was in exchange for Amber covering for her this afternoon but hello? Horny, much ? She went back to glaring at the side of Sian's face.

"Oh yeah I'm defo up for that! Yeah okay, well I'll see you later then...okay bye." She smiled at the phone before she dropped it back on the table. She pushed herself back into the sofa and brought her knees up to her chest. She looked sideways at Soph who was regarding her still with her head in her hand. Sian raised her eyebrows and clearly expected her to say something.

"I forgot to mention it, we kinda got distracted."

Sian giggled a little bit and flopped her one knee onto Sophie's leg before bringing it back up. "It's okay babe, we've not been out for ages, it'll be fun."

Sophie gazed out in front of her, "Can think of funner things," she muttered under her breath.

"What?" Sian enquired.

"Nothing," Sophie sighed as she looked back to her girlfriend. She rested her head back on the cushions. "I shouldn't really though, what with paying my dad back and that."

"Soph c'mon!" Sian whined, "it's been aaaaages since we've gone out-"

"-but Sian! Really how can I? Plus I don't really wanna drink since my accident..."

"You don't have to drink to have a good time do ya?" Sian got up from the sofa and perched herself on the arm Sophie was busy getting miserable leaning on. She wrapped her arm around Sophie's shoulders and gave them a squeeze. "What else are ya gunna do? Stay in and watch TV?"

Sophie looked up at her. "Well, you could stay in with me!"

Sian straightened up and looked at her frustrated. "I really wanna go out Soph, all we do is stay in and do nothing-"

"-Yeah but," and she was really getting frustrated now, Sian was acting like she hadn't just straddled her and made out with her like she wanted to rip her clothes off. "What about...you know..."

Sian stopped and looked at her, she still hadn't explained had she? She softened her eyes and looked at Sophie, running her thumb down the side of her cheek.

Sophie moved her eyes to look at her.

"We've got plenty of time for that babe, promise."

She still didn't look satisfied. Sophie just looked at the floor.

Sian bit on her lip for a second and tried to think how she could make her understand. She knelt on the floor in front of her so Sophie couldn't avoid her gaze. "I want you Soph, more than anything and I know you want me, you just proved that. That's what was missing before." Her words were heartfelt and she felt her voice tremble a little bit, she reached forwards for Sophie's hands and she entwined their fingers, lowering her eyes to watch as Sophie gripped them back. "Can we just keep that for a bit? Go a little slower?"

Sophie felt her heart swell at Sian's words, she seemed and looked so vulnerable right then, like she was still a little lost with the relationship and Sophie didn't want to do anything that might delay Sian from finding her. From finding them. She would wait forever. Sophie smiled as Sian looked back to her, running her fingers through her grasp and then linking them together again. "We can go as slow as you want," she whispered.

Sian beamed a beautiful smile which made Sophie giggle, she really was beautiful, every last thing about her. Sophie couldn't believe she had stopped telling her.

Sian bit on her lip. "So are you coming out, with me?" and she flashed her best Sian Powers smile.

Sophie grinned, how could she say no to her? "Yeah go on then!"

Sian squealed and jumped up wrapping her arms around Sophie's neck in a tight hug. "C'mon!" she enthused as she grabbed Sophie's hand. "Let's go get ready!" And she dragged her up the stairs as fast as she could.

Sian wasn't quite sure if they were back, but they were definitely on the way, unless of course something got in the way. But she was sure that there wasn't anything big enough to get in the way of them. Well, nothing had been yet.


End file.
